By Lorin Krenn, Relationship Coach & Hypnotherapist.
Most people live in a relationship where they are half present, half committed, and half engaged. Rarely is this a conscious choice. By definition it is unconscious. We believe that once we have chosen a partner and entered a relationship, the work is done. But a relationship is not a one time commitment. It is a practice, an ongoing devotion that requires awareness, honesty, and continual effort. Conscious relating means choosing, again and again, to go deeper together, to understand each other more fully, to become more present, more vulnerable, and therefore more intimate. A conscious relationship is more than just a partnership. It becomes a vehicle for the deepest personal growth, because almost every interaction offers an opportunity to evolve, to see ourselves more clearly, and to step into a love that is both challenging and transformative. It is not only about sustaining connection, but about continuously awakening within it.
Making the Unconscious Conscious
Everything begins with awareness, but awareness alone does not create change. The first step is to become conscious of our unconsciousness, our lack of presence, our lack of emotional availability, and our disconnection from our partner’s inner world. This can be confronting. It may stir shame, the realisation that you have not truly shown up despite appearances to the contrary. Yet within this discomfort lies possibility, because every moment of honest recognition opens the door to transformation. To acknowledge where you fall short is not to condemn yourself, but to reclaim the power to grow. Conscious relating begins the moment you shine a light on what does not serve the relationship: reactivity, defensiveness, the need to be right, subtle forms of withdrawal, and the countless small ways love can be withheld.
How to Practice Conscious Relating
The how to is deceptively simple. Each time there is disconnection felt on either side of the relationship, do not let it linger. Instead, prioritise reconnection. Address the issue, the misunderstanding, and the resentment while it is still alive. What you avoid does not or will not just disappear. It can fester and later erupt in the most destructive way. When you face what arises directly, you train your nervous system to see challenges not as threats, but as gateways into deeper connection. This is the discipline: do not let anything slip. You must be brave to face and confront it together. Listen fully. Meet each other honestly. Speak the words that feel difficult to say. That is where intimacy deepens and the relationship becomes unbreakable.
A conscious relationship is not meant to be easy. It will test you, stretch you, and confront you with the parts of yourself you might rather ignore. What defines it is the refusal to avoid difficulty. The choice to stay and address issues when things get uncomfortable, to look honestly at your triggers, and to meet what arises with presence and with truth. That is what keeps the relationship real, grounded, and deeply alive. The point is not comfort, convenience, or surface-level harmony. The point is authenticity, growth, and connection that can withstand honesty. A relationship that is alive, expansive, and worth being in.
About the expert
Lorin Krenn is an internationally recognised relationship coach, author, hypnotherapist, and podcast host, specialising in masculine and feminine dynamics. Through his transformative work, Lorin has guided countless individuals and couples worldwide toward deeper relationships and alignment with their highest truth. As well as a host on his podcast Masculine & Feminine Dynamics, Lorin is the author of several published relationship books, including Love, Relationships & Awakening, and Understand Women Better. He’s also written Healing the Father Wound, and eBooks Shadow Work in Relationships, The Awakened Feminine, and The Awakened Masculine.
