By Dr Emily Crosby, a leading Child and Educational Psychologist.
Emotional resilience development begins early on in childhood and it is important that parents, educators and carers develop an environment where emotional resilience is supported. Emotional resilience is the ability to understand that negative emotions are not all bad and these emotions actually communicate information to us that is needed to perform well. To be resilient emotionally means being able to overcome obstacles and setbacks when we feel such negative emotions in order to prevent them from stalling us within our progress. Here I am going to explain key areas where and why children may struggle emotionally and how adults can support them.
1. Normalise and validate emotions
Emotions are normal and they are not always negative. In fact we have somewhat become fearful of feelings of anxiety when in fact anxiety keeps us safe and actually can indicate that we care and want something. If your child is experiencing an emotion it is important that you normalise this for them to validate that it is ok for them to feel that emotion.
2. Sit with the emotion for some time
It’s important that you don’t dismiss or move on from the emotion straight away despite this feeling being extremely tempting to do so. Be sure to allow your child to feel the emotion for a short period of time before moving onto the next steps.
3. Provide an alternative perspective or reason for the emotion
This is where psychoeducation comes in which means giving understanding to the emotions to try and explain to the child why they may be feeling that emotion. For example you may state to them that ‘I wonder if you feel sad because you really cared about this, which shows how kind you are’. This is especially important when there may have been a social altercation with peers or siblings.
4. Problem solve with the child or young person about how they are going to overcome the emotional barrier in their learning or development
At this point we want to help our young children to try and move on from the disruption by exploring tools with them which can be used to support them to do so. Often parents direct solutions to the child but by encouraging them to independently consider tools and ways they can move forward helps them to build their independence and internal resilience which is crucial for adolescence and adulthood.
5. Present them with process praise for overcoming the emotion
Once your child or young person has been able to overcome the presenting obstacle then it’s crucial that you praise them for doing this by reiterating to them the behaviours they carried out to help them to achieve this and reflecting this back to them. At this point you want to reassure and reward them for this with a verbal comment which will reinforce this resilience for the future.
About the expert
Dr Emily Crosby is a Child and Educational Psychologist, who specialises in supporting children and adolescents mental health and wellbeing especially through supporting parents to foster the optimal environments to do so. Follow her on Instagram @doctoremilyep for further parenting tips.
